Parent's Guide: Your Child Wants a Tattoo

The day has finally arrived. You knew it might come and maybe you were hoping it wouldn't. Your child has turned 18 and now they want a tattoo. It's 2018 and tattoos are more popular than ever. Edgy and mysterious, what teen can't help but be drawn in by their appeal? Their favorite actors are inked, musicians, even the chefs on Food Network have sleeves! If you're not a fan of body modification, you may be feeling outnumbered at this point. I've had many teens in the chair excited about their new ink, but also fully expecting to be chewed out by their parents when they get home. This article isn't to debate whether tattoos are morally right or wrong, or to criticize parenting choices. What I would like to bring to the table is a discussion based on experiences I've had dealing with these situations. I'd like to also offer some advice from one parent to another on coping with the whole ordeal.

The Fascination
We can all agree that the teenage years are difficult. It's essentially when you figure out who you are as a person. It's when you crave independence (hopefully) and long to find your place in the world. For a lot of kids, they're getting advice on college, career choices, apartments in the right neighborhood. Needless to say, it's an overwhelming time. Sometimes, a tattoo is the one thing that can be theirs. They choose to do it. They choose the design. They choose to have it, forever and always. I may be partial, but there's really no other experience in the world like it. It's the only thing you can buy that you can't lose or have taken from you. Even if it's just a tiny butterfly, it's your butterfly. I'm not saying this is why every young person decides to get tattooed, but I can say that I believe it's a factor for many. For some, the allure of endurance is almost hypnotic. How bad does it hurt? What does it say about me if I can do it? Who am I when I come out on the other side of it? In those prime years of self discovery, who could pass this up? There are few things in our comfortable, modern existence that can satiate this primal desire. How you deal with this conundrum is entirely up to your family. I will say this, it's a force to be reckoned with.

The Commitment
I do wish that I had a dollar for every time I've heard "my parents are going to kill me." I actually still hear this from people in their 30s, 40s and beyond! Yet, here they are, sitting in the chair, completely ready to "take the plunge." Some of the stories I hear are quite funny, but some heartbreaking. Clients have told me that their parents felt "stabbed in the heart" by their choice to be tattooed. Others have been warned to stay away from younger siblings for fear that they'll be a bad influence. Again, I'm not here to criticize family matters, but what I can say is that most of these teens (and grown adults) are good people, they're just coping with life in a different way. Many are holding down full-time jobs and school, bending and breaking under the weight of relationships and responsibility. While having the illusion of defiance at home, they emit a silent longing for acceptance while under the needle.

"How do you know you'll want that forever?" you may ask them. The truth is, they won't. I can tell you that people are making bad tattoo choices every day regardless of age. Our tastes change and our experiences are always molding us into something new. Tattooing is an evolutionary process for each individual. We cover, we rework, we add to and we change. We also look back at our ink and smile, laugh and cry. I think by now it may be apparent that tattooing isn't all about the image we choose. In short, telling your child that their tattoo choice is silly might not be as effective as you think.

The Unity
I've had the misfortune of witnessing a few family quarrels over tattoos. I've actually seen a young woman in pushed to tears because family members tried to intervene in the waiting area. Ultimately, it never stops the tattoo, it usually only fuels the process. I've also had the opportunity to witness families come together over the process. There are several families in my clientele and it's always a pleasure to see them bond over their ink. If you're opposed to tattoos, I'm not out to sway your opinion. The one thing that I do encourage is to consider walking with your child through the process. Though it might be a new beast for any parent to tackle, there is a huge opportunity for guidance and companionship. Here are a few points that I'd like to ask you to consider if you'd like to participate:

• Don't nag. At this point, the roller coaster has started. Hang on, cover your eyes when you need to, but don't be a downer. If you want to join in on the process, go for it, but don't make it miserable.
• Support them in doing it the right way. Sometimes if people feel like they need to hide something, they don't use the best judgement. The worst case scenario here is that your kid gets scared into getting a garbage tattoo from an unlicensed tattooer in a friend's basement. Instead, I encourage you to have lunch date and visit some reputable studios together. Check the portfolios for quality work and note that the shop's health department score should be visibly posted. Remember, though, don't nag.
• Join them for the big day (if they're open to it). I have several clients that bring their parents when they get tattooed. It can honestly be a great way to spend a couple of hours of quality time together. Tattoos tend to go much faster when you bring someone to chat with. This gives you an opportunity to ask any questions that you may have and to get to know the artist. Most of us are parents, too, and can definitely understand your concerns.
• Love them for who they are. I've never understood how a person can go from upstanding to delinquent in the eyes of a parent simply with the addition of a tattoo. Tattoos don't change people, but judgement and shame certainly will.

Sometimes, disagreements are unavoidable. We are a wonderful spectrum of varying tastes and opinions. We can choose to meet these differences with anger or love. Love doesn't mean agreeing or condoning, but expressing value for a person despite differences. I hope that this article has been helpful and I wish you all the best in addressing this sensitive issue.